we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
