His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
