Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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