I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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