just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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