Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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