i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
