Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
even my farts smell like vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
