every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize