o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
