Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
