By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
