put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
not ubering you a puppy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
