So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
