It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
