Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
