I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
