There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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