haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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