Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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