You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
