Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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