Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
