If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
