you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
