I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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