I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
