the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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