I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
