how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
