Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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