Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
