So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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