The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
