Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My bed smells like the plague
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
