Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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