There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
