The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
