i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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