I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
