Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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