Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
