I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
