Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
