Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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