She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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