Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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