Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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