Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is wine microwaveable?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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