Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
