I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
