You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
