Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
