We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
