I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
