I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i think my cat just said my name.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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