If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
