so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My life is pants optional.
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