spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
