i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
