Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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