Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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