Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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