that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
