Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
