having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize