My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
