It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
