You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
third nipple confirmed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize