I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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