I heard we made out
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
