I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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